Guess what he Can Do?!?

My little man, who Just Turned 4 can count to 10 all by himself!

He can Also say his prayers, All By Himself!

These were big hurdles for him, and he did it!

People told me to not get my hopes up, because he is "a little behind". Well, he showed them.

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is tough, but my little man is tougher!

Fetal Alcohol Kid... No, Super Cool Kid

I'm not going to lie, right about now I would like to find L.B.'s birth mom and smack her around a bit.

L.B. has been struggling recently due to his Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Sometimes he is happy and calm, and sometimes you wonder who took over his body and made him crazy...

It just makes me wonder what the Heck women are thinking when they drink while they are pregnant.

Trying to understand what my son needs leads me to the internet. Searching the internet about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome leads me to depressing information like this:

"Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is considered the most common nonhereditary cause of mental retardation. In addition to deficits in general intellectual functioning, individuals with FAS often demonstrate difficulties with learning, memory, attention, and problem solving as well as problems with mental health and social interactions. Thus these individuals and their families face persistent hardships in virtually every aspect of life." link

"Ok. So, it's not a matter of “if” your loved one with FASD gets involved with the justice system, but often a matter of when, so you may want to make sure you’re prepared. This website will definitely help you do that. This website has sections on everything from help about the investigation, pre trial and bail." link

"Intelligence is diminished. The average IQ is in the 60s. (This level is considered mild mental retardation and qualifies a child in the U.S. as educable mentally retarded.) Although there are many different types of therapy for children with developmental disabilities, only a few have been scientifically tested specifically for children with FASDs." link

That makes a mother feel good right?

It's not just negative on the internet, my sons pediatrician told me he and his wife adopted their daughter 30 years ago and she has FAS. The doctor then told me that his daughter has been married 3 times and has Never held a full time job... more encouragement folks. It's no wondered that parents of a child with FAS feel frustrated and like there is no hope.

Instead of just going along with the idea that my son will inevitably wind up in jail, or that my son is going to be slow in school, and never hold onto something permanent, I am going to focus and share with people what my son CAN DO.

I'll start today.

It's true that my son has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. But it's more important to know that my son CAN write his name Perfectly on paper. He is 4 and can make his bed without lumps, something that my 8 year old struggles with. My little man will pick out the Best outfits. He color coordinates his clothes like a fashion designer.

I am going to make a serious effort from here on out to share all the successes in L.B.'s life. Focusing on the positive and sharing triumphs, instead of the negativity that is often what dominates.

All Utah adoptions could be at risk...

More research into House Bill 237 shows that private adoptions may be at risk. Here's why: HB 237 requires that the courts give adoption preference to a relative that expresses an interest in adoption for the first time after termination of parental rights has occurred. As written, this bill will affect private adoptions. Once a mother and/or father have terminated their rights to an infant in a private adoption—a relative may come forward and adopt the child, against the birth parents wishes.

The one consistent thing every therapist will say is; Children are traumatized every time they are removed from the place they know as home. Children under a certain age do not know who shares their blood. They believe the people who love and care for them are their Family.

Please read the bill here and consider what is Best for children. Tomorrow, MONDAY Feb. 6th at 2:00 at the Utah State Capitol, in room 25, The House will be addressing this bill. PLEASE encourage all foster and private adoptive parents, and those who Support Foster Care, to attend and SPEAK OUT!

Starting at line 1089 "If the parental rights of all parents of an adoptable child have been terminated, the court: shall determine whether there is a relative who desires to adopt the child; and may order the division to conduct a reasonable search to determine whether there are relatives who are willing to adopt the child A relative of an adoptable child shall receive preference in adoption placement, unless the placement is not in the best interest of the child. If a relative desires to adopt the child, the court shall: (a) make a specific finding regarding the fitness of the relative to adopt the child; and place the child for adoption with that relative unless it finds that adoption by the relative is not in the best interest of the child. This section does not guarantee that a relative will be permitted to adopt the child. If the court does not place the child with a relative, the court shall make a specific finding, on the record, explaining why the relative was not a suitable adoptive parent. If no suitable relative is found to adopt the child, the court shall consider the child's foster parents."


Below is Another letter I have submitted to house representatives.

Representatives-

Thank you for your time and interest in hearing my concerns with HB 237. My husband and I have been foster parents for two years. We have really enjoyed being foster parents. We really are passionate about helping kids in need. Since becoming licensed foster parents, we have had two placements. One placement was our son, LB*. We adopted LB earlier this March. Our second placement is our current two young foster girls.

LB's birth parents relinquished their rights to us. My concern with H.B. 237 is that many times a birth parent, before relinquishing their rights, will ask the foster family to adopt their child. With this bill, the foster family will not have preference to do so, and a parents wish can not be guaranteed. In the case of my son, we had him for the 6months required to have preference before his parents right were terminated, so we knew we could adopt him. LB did have relatives from out of state interested in adopting him, but his birth mother did not want him going out of state. She recognized the bond LB had built with me and my husband and our 4 kids. LB's birth father eventually relinquished his rights and asks us to adopt him. If this bill, HB 237 was the law at that time, LB's family could have come forward and requested him. The only way for us to keep him would be for us to go to court and fight over what is in LB's best interest. The process of determining a child's best interest in court can take a very long time and can cost a lot of money. We would have had to bring in LB's therapists and those we associate with to speak in our behalf of what is in LB's best interested. All fees to do this would be at our expense. This would have drawn out the case and backed up the courts further and cost the state much more money than it ultimately did. If we had lost, we would have been devastated, and LB would have lost the only family that he had attached to in over two years.

I do support the current 120 days for Kinship Preference that is currently in statute. House bill 237 has great points and makes necessary changes; as a foster parent I recognize the need to make some changes in the system. My biggest concerns with this bill are:

1. After parental rights have been terminated, legally a child is an orphan without family, parents or relatives. This bill would change the legal status of a child POST TERMINATION.

2. HB 237 requires that the courts give adoption preference to a relative that expresses an interest in adoption for the first time AFTER termination of parental rights has occurred. As written, this bill WILL affect private adoptions. Once a mother and/or father have terminated their rights to an infant in a private adoption—a relative may come forward and adopt the child, against the birth parents wishes. Many Birth parents have willingly agreed and consent to a termination of their parental rights, knowing the foster family that will adopt. Allowing a relative preference circumvents those PARENTS and their right to make this choice.

3. Children will remain in legal limbo during DCFS second mandated attempt to find a relative willing to adopt. This will result in increased monthly foster care expenses, lack of permanence and instability in the child’s life.

4. HB 237 has a fiscal note that this bill will cost over $4,000,000!

5.Under this bill, a child who has already experience the trauma of being ripped from their birth home and has found a stable, loving place in a foster home for many months, will find themselves traumatized once again when the court is mandated to move the child to a relative’s home POST TERMINATION.

6. If the relative finds themselves unable/unwilling to adopt, the child will be placed back into foster care—a legal orphan, with no family, no parents, and no ties to the former foster family that had stood willing to adopt. What will this do to the children? And how much money is this going to cost the state?

Again, I urge you to amend this bill. Please, call me if you have any further questions.

Respectfully,

Me

*Name changed for privacy.

Letter to the Utah House Of Representatives

~Blood Ties Are Not Stronger Than Adoption Ties. ~

In Utah, there is a House Bill, H.B 237 (starting at line 1089, 78A-6-511 Court disposition of child upon termination) and in the bill there is a significant flaw. This flaw will profoundly affect Foster and Adoptive parents. But more so, it will affect the defenseless children in Utah in many ways. "One particular way is: "creates a preference for the adoption of a child by a relative following a termination of parental rights". In other words, even if the child has been in a foster home for years, a relative can step in AFTER termination of Parental rights, and adopt the child. In short: foster parents can love and parent a foster child, but NOT adopt -- unless there is no relative available. What impact would this have on the CHILD who has to move after living with a foster family for months, if not years?"**

As a foster mom who has adopted a foster child, and as a foster mom who currently has two children placed with me, I am extremely concerned with this segment of the bill. And there are a variety of reasons why this bill should not pass without significant revisions. Here are a few examples of why this is not a fair or safe bill to protect Utah’s children:

• 1. Too often we hear stories about children being taken from foster parents to be adopted by a family member and that child is then once again placed back into the care of the family that allowed the abuse to happen in the first place.

• 2. There are wonderful kin placements, and CPS and DCFS try to get those placements before placing a child in a standard foster home. If a kin placement cannot be found before the child enters a standard foster home, the foster family enters an agreement that they will love and care for the child. Most often foster parents are asked to take only placements that they know they can make permanent. It is the understanding right now that if reunification cannot be achieved with the birth parents, it is best for the foster child to stay in the loving home they are already in. This portion of the bill could easily change that.

• 3. The number of families willing to foster is very low as it is. I believe that if this bill becomes law, fewer people will want to foster. This portion of the bill could leave the impression that foster families will no longer have preference with a foster child that has been in their home for six or more months. Who would want to invest time and love into a child knowing that a complete stranger can come in and take the child?

Once again, I urge you to remove this part of H.B. 237. As a mother of 5 and a foster mom of 2 (and hopefully a foster mom to many more) I ask you to remove the below portion or stop the passing of this bill. Please feel free to call me if you have any questions. I am happy to share with you my experiences within the foster care system.

Sincerely,

Kera

1089, 78A-6-511 Court disposition of child upon termination.

“If the parental rights of all parents of an adoptable child have been terminated, the court: Shall determine whether there is a relative who desires to adopt the child; and may order the division to conduct a reasonable search to determine whether there are relatives who are willing to adopt the child. A relative of an adoptable child shall receive preference in adoption placement, unless the placement is not in the best interest of the child. If a relative desires to adopt the child, the court shall: (a) make a specific finding regarding the fitness of the relative to adopt the child; and place the child for adoption with that relative unless it finds that adoption by the relative is not in the best interest of the child. This section does not guarantee that a relative will be permitted to adopt the child. If the court does not place the child with a relative, the court shall make a specific finding, on the record, explaining why the relative was not a suitable adoptive parent. If no suitable relative is found to adopt the child, the court shall consider the child's foster parents."

The entire bill can be found here.

**words written by someone on the UFCF facebook page.

Pageants and Foster Care

"If we are to teach real peace in this world, and if we are to carry on a real war against war, we shall have to begin with the children." -Ghandi

I couldn't agree more.

Well, it's out there. I put in on Facebook, so why not put it on here? I am a contestant in the Mrs. Utah, United States, Pageant. I'm not just entering some "Beauty Pageant". This pageant gives a voice to those who have a message to share. The current and past title holders have taken their platform and accomplished amazing things around the state and nation. One former Mrs.Utah has taught Lyme Disease education to the Boy Scouts Of America. Her information will go towards educating boy scouts across America about Lyme disease prevention. The current Mrs.Utah has helped many couples understand infertility and with her workshops she has helped provided reduced cost infertility treatments which have been successful in 35 couples.

Now obviously I am still the same old me who wears sweats all day, who rarely showers (such a time waster) and who thinks she’s funny and laughs as I hide my dirty dishes under the sink. But now I have a mission. My mission is Children.

I know I have posted about foster care before (infertility and me, and fostering the truth) but foster care is important to me, so I’m going to do it again. I want people to think about how many children they might come into contact with that have few clothes (or none), no home, no bed, no toys, nothing to call their own, no mom to give them hugs, no dad to protect them. What would you do if you came in contact with a child like that, a child in need?

Here are some facts provided by the Utah Foster Care Foundation:

1. In Utah there are 2800+ children in foster care at any given time.
2. Children in foster care often have special needs due to neglect, abuse or separation.
3. Substance abuse is a contributing factor in over half of foster care cases in Utah.
4. 38% of the children who enter foster care return to live with their birth parents.
5. There are children in foster care between the ages of 0-19.
6. It takes 32 hours of training and the ability to pass a criminal background check to become a foster parent in Utah. Thirty two hours of training, a criminal background check and you’re ready to give a home to a child in need.

Before coming into foster care, our son was living in filth. He slept on the floor and had a horrible diet. His birth parents left him time and time again--he was abandoned. His young, but older sister was raising him and he was developmentally behind from lack of care. I have talked about our son and his kind heart and fun loving personality before so I’ll spare you the gushing, but he has definitely come a long way.

Unfortunately though, too many children know the life my son knew.

Something I believe with every part of me is that Every Child Is A Gift. Every child is beautiful and sent to earth with the potential to be Anything in the world. Sadly, some children come here and are denied the most basic things in life to help them along the way. But That Can Change.

I’m passionate about children and I believe that every good person wants to help children in need, but sometimes we’re too scared. My husband and I did not come into the foster care program just skipping and singing songs of excitement. Actually I was heartbroken at the time we started the processes. Let me explain:

We wanted more kids, but couldn’t have any more. I can’t express enough the sheer sadness I felt. Where I was once capable, I was now left feeling utterly incapable and it left me feeling empty inside. Once I made peace with that part of my life, we pursued adoption. My incredible husband and I journeyed off in search of a private adoption. Three times we meet with an “Adoption Agent” and three times I felt rejected. We had four children and the adoption agent tried as gently as she could to explain that we had little to ZERO chance to be picked by a birth mother. She kept telling us to try foster care, but we were scared. Finally, after three visits, we decided to give it a try. I joke that the only way we could get a child was through the desperate needs of the state, but I felt truth in that at the time and it hurt.

Today I’m here to say that since starting the foster care program we have been pleasantly surprised at how supported and comfortable it has all been. It’s not perfect and it can seem hard at times, but there is a sense of peace that you’re doing the right thing and that peace over rides all the other negative emotions.

Back to my question- What would you do if you came in contact with a child in need? Could you help them? There are so many people who can foster. It doesn’t take a super parent, just a willing parent. In Utah there are 2800+ children in foster care at any given time that need a loving home. It Could Be YOU, You could help a Child in need.

- Who Says

I know this song is "so 2011" but it is My Song For 2012!
Enjoy!